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Problems in relationships often come when they start fast. But in the end, it always takes time to find out who the other person really is. We crank up empathy, sympathy and compassion, while tenderness and consideration get dialled up to 11. In those early days, we’re all walking adverts for ourselves anyway. In the main, we commit to other people because we think there’s a future in it.įorget the first few dates when we’re flush with excitement and promise. The sex might be great, but contrary to what your hormones might be saying at the time, it doesn’t necessarily buy permanence. What’s the point? Most of the time life’s too short. Very few of us go into a relationship knowing it will end. But the reality is that good things take time and if the relationship you’re in is heavy on drama then the chances are you’re not starring in the main feature. We’re conditioned to believe that love really can be forged in the time that it takes to consume a big bag of popcorn. Hollywood loves to sell us the 90-minute dream. And what you get is a B-reel destined to go straight to video (or, in today’s money, straight to download). Your subconscious sees the opportunity to resolve the unresolved. Your head may be filled with an exotic, pulsating romance set in the Orient or the glittering nightscape of New York, but what your subconscious will instead make is a drama-documentary set in the ordinary context of real life. In his (or her) version, there are high speed chases, car crashes, jealous rivals, angry protagonists, high drama and arguments. So, your subconscious doesn’t necessarily see the script in the way that you do. It’s not uncommon for me to see clients who prove to be subconsciously trying to address abandonment issues by going out with a narcissist – the perfect representative cause of their traumatic or unfulfilling childhood experiences. And guess what? That just creates more pain. Your parents may have been emotionally unavailable, and so your subconscious will propel you towards unavailable partners in an attempt to heal the wounds of the past. More potent – and therefore emotionally dangerous – is that your inner Tarantino is also usually trying to resolve what is unresolved from your past. If you grew up in a house of drama, your subconscious is more likely to push you toward dramatic love and tempestuous hit-and-run run hook-ups. It’s opinionated and often comes with its own agenda, drawing on your past experiences to inform your present and future. The only problem is that your subconscious has been tasked with job of directing it.Īs the director of your personal movie, your subconscious is more Quentin Tarantino than, say, Steven Spielberg.
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It’s an epic romantic blockbuster destined to smash all box office records. You have the script and, because this is your love story, you have a ready-made cast. Except in your version, Keira doesn’t let him walk away.
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It’s Keira Knightley and Andrew Lincoln in that scene in Love Actually. It’s Gable and Leigh, Bogart and Bergman, Tracy and Hepburn. It’s a sweeping, soaring, tear-fest of two people hampered by fate and shackled to a future they can’t yet see but which they both know lies somewhere just beyond their immediate reach. Life gives them one last battle to fight: the battle to find each other. Two star crossed lovers wounded by a past littered with one failed relationship after another.
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